Aryn Henning Nichols

You love waking up early, ready to go,
     But I would rather sleep in and move kind of slow.

You talk super loud, your words fill the space,
     I keep my thoughts quiet, at a softer pace.

You’re always prepared, your locker and backpack are perfectly neat,
     Mine is full of papers crumpled at my feet.

You race to the front, never scared to be seen,
     I linger in the back, caught somewhere between.

But we both laugh hard til our stomachs ache,
    And share all the secrets we never could fake.

When the world feels too heavy and we start to cry,

You pull me in close, and neither asks why.

Our tears mix with laughter, both tangled and true,

Because no one gets me quite like you do.

We both dream big, and even though our 

paths might twist,
     We both want a world that feels like this.

We’re different like night and day in the same sky,

But side by side, we see eye to eye.

We created Future Focused, a new Inspire(d) column written by pre-teens and teens, to help give the next generation an opportunity to share their voices. Partnering with Dana Hogan, the Extended Learning Program teacher at Decorah Middle School, we offered prompts around the question, “What do we have in common?” Students submitted some really great work, and four were chosen for this Inspire(d). You can read all the Future Focused pieces published so far at iloveinspired.com/category/future-focused. Here’s to Listening to the Next Generation! – Aryn

The story starts out in a familiar way: Boy meets girl. They get married. They start a family.

Alex Weber and Moran Lonning met in 2014 as students at Luther College. They married in 2023, and not long after, moved to La Crosse, where Moran was hired as head coach of the women’s basketball team for the University of Wisconsin La Crosse (UWL) and Alex would work as a pharmacist at Mayo Clinic Health System. And in June of 2024, the couple excitedly welcomed their son, Charlie Lonning Weber, into the world.

“We were just in love with him,” says Moran. “One of the most special things that we’ve experienced in our lives was bringing Charlie home and becoming a family together. Those moments the first few weeks of Charlie’s life were just completely magical.”

But when Charlie was just three months old, the story of this new family took a devastating turn. September 16, 2024, Charlie unexpectedly passed away while at daycare. His death was considered a Sudden Unexpected Infant Death (SUID) after autopsy and genetic testing could not determine a cause of death.

When tragedy happens, those left in the aftermath have choices on how to move forward. After months of grappling with grief, Alex and Moran chose to turn their grief into a legacy that would honor Charlie, who was affectionately known as Bubba. They created Bubba’s Fund, a donor advised fund committed to improving the lives of children, working under the umbrella of the La Crosse Area Community Foundation. 

Creating the Legacy

Charlie passed away two weeks before the start of the 2024-2025 basketball season, Moran’s second year coaching for UWL. The basketball community rallied around her and Alex with an outpouring of support. 

“Our community of loved ones stretches across the country, and they all have been so important and continue to walk with us through this journey,” explains Moran. “But the La Crosse community, specifically UWL and La Crosse area women’s basketball community, completely enveloped us with love and lifted us up with support. My players sat with me, cried with me, talked about Charlie with me, found signs from heaven for me everywhere we went. They let me show up just as I was every day and met me where I was.”

Moran and Alex also found a great deal of support and comfort from their church community, as well as support from an unexpected source: Wisconsin State Senator Brad Pfaff. Senator Pfaff attended Charlie’s funeral unannounced to express his personal condolences to Moran and Alex and said to let him know if there was anything he could do.

“When tragedies strike, it is truly amazing to see and feel the love and power that overflows,” says Alex. “We are so grateful for the comfort and compassion that continues to help us every single day as we continue to miss Charlie.”

In November of 2024, the UWL women’s basketball team hosted the first Bubba’s Youth Night in honor of Charlie. Before the game, Alex and Moran spoke to the audience, honoring their son and recognizing the support of the community. It was announced that Charlie would be the team’s Forever Sixth Man (a term describing a member of the team who, though not a starter, is essential to the team’s success). Through free will donations, approximately $1,800 was raised for Rising Athletes Organization, a non-profit that provides support and assistance to youth athletes in the La Crosse region. 

That whole season was one defined by resilience, community, and heart. The team earned a spot in the Wisconsin Intercollegiate Athletic Conference (WIAC) tournament but were eliminated in the opening round. Then, they received the final at-large bid to the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) Division III tournament – UWL’s first NCAA tournament appearance since 2020. They won the first round, bringing home their first NCAA tournament win in 37 years, before falling in a close game to UW-Whitewater. 

After the basketball season ended, Moran and Alex began to explore how they wanted to continue memorializing their son’s life. 

“We knew we wanted to honor Charlie’s life very soon after his passing,” says Moran. “But during the pain and shock of his loss, we weren’t quite sure what that would look like.” 

In the spring of 2025, Tony Ayala, a family friend of Alex and Moran, and Moran’s brother, Connor Lonning, suggested they start with a fundraising event inspired by Bubba’s Youth Night with the UWL women’s basketball team. “The warmth and energy from that night became the spark that ultimately led to the creation of Bubba’s Fund,” explains Tony. 

In alignment with the mission to empower the lives of children in the La Crosse area, they decided to start the fund through the La Crosse Area Community Foundation, a well-established resource that already supports local organizations. And after some research, they realized that though each state-licensed childcare center in Wisconsin is required to have providers certified in CPR and usage of automated external defibrillators (AEDs), there is no law mandating that AEDs be present in the facilities. While Alex and Moran will never know if an AED could have saved Charlie, knowing that childcare facilities would have the equipment on-hand felt like an important step in preparedness. The connection clicked.

“We saw a gap there and knew we could do something about it,” says Tony. “We wanted to offer that equipment to all state-licensed childcare facilities in the city of La Crosse.”

Bubba’s Fund partnered with 7 Rivers Cardiac Arrest Preparedness and Education (CAPE) to work towards that goal. 

“We can’t do everything, but we can do a little,” says Tony. “And with the help of already established organizations, like the 7 Rivers CAPE, we can do even more together.”  

The group began planning the First Annual Benefit for Bubba’s Fund for August 27, 2025, with the goal of raising $20,000 through a pledge system. They also launched a petition to have August 27 proclaimed as “‘For Charlie. For Children.’ Day” in the city of La Crosse. Mayor Shaundel Washington-Spivey officially announced the proclamation on August 25, two days before the inaugural Benefit for Bubba’s Fund.

The benefit, held at the Rivoli Theatre in La Crosse, featured storytelling, tributes, and live music by The Weber Brothers, a band comprised of Alex Weber and his brothers. As they often do, they performed many covers of the Avett Brothers – a group whose music is deeply important to Alex and Moran.

The evening also featured a video of Senator Pfaff, announcing a proposed bill – titled Bubba’s Law – that would provide a way for state-licensed childcare facilities to acquire AEDs without an overwhelming financial burden. He began drafting the bill upon learning of the fundraising efforts of Bubba’s Fund. Bubba’s Law would make partial funding grants available for AED equipment and maintenance.

At the benefit, they ended up far surpassing their initial $20,000 fundraising goal, bringing in $62,405 – the majority of which came from contributions of individuals and families. It was a true show of community. And that feeling of community didn’t end that night. 

In what seemed like fate to Alex and Moran, the Avett Brothers were performing in La Crosse on August 28 – the day after the benefit for Bubba’s Fund. The group reached out to the band ahead of time to extend an invitation to the fundraiser, but they weren’t scheduled to arrive in La Crosse until the day of their concert. However, Alex, Moran, and around 30 friends and family members from Bubba’s Fund attended the concert together. Alex and Moran delivered handwritten notes and Bubba’s Fund t-shirts to the band after the performance, receiving a signed setlist from the band in return. Later the band’s cellist, Joe Kwon, posted an Instagram story stating: “I played for you tonight, Charlie. Rest in Power.” The quiet recognition meant a great deal to Alex, Moran, and the entire Bubba’s Fund team. 

The Spirit of Bubba’s Fund

The next Bubba’s Fund event is Bubba’s Youth Night with the UWL women’s basketball team on January 10, 2026. This year the group hopes to add a kids’ festival starting at noon until the game tip off at 3 pm. 

After the success of their first initiative to bring more AED access to local childcare centers, they now plan to partner with Rising Athletes Organization to help fundraise for youth from low-income backgrounds to secure access to sports. 

“Participating in youth athletics has been a pivotal part of both of our lives,” says Alex. “Rising Athletes is an amazing local organization that reduces the financial barrier for children who are unable to participate in sports.” 

“Kids learn invaluable lessons of adversity and grit through participating in sports programs that we feel is difficult to replicate otherwise,” adds Moran. “Besides the life-changing lessons learned, the joy of playing sports is something we feel all kids should have the opportunity to have – and Rising Athletes aims to ensure kids are not left on the sideline.” 

Though Bubba’s Fund will continue to operate under the La Crosse Area Community Foundation for now, the goal is to eventually achieve their own 501(c)(3) status, hopefully by the end of 2026, says Tony. “And we want to continue working, continue with event planning, and expand events to the broader community as we move forward.”

Though Charlie’s life was much too short, his legacy has already begun to inspire lasting change in La Crosse and across the state of Wisconsin. By taking action to ensure the safety, opportunity, and well-being of children, Bubba’s Fund has turned grief into good and heartbreak into hope. 

“Grief became part of our life the day we lost Charlie and continues to be and will certainly be a part of our lives forever,” says Moran. “No matter how much good comes from starting Bubba’s Fund, we will always grieve our Charlie. It was difficult to venture into something so public surrounding his life, even though we believed our community would benefit from it. We thought, though, that it was important to honor both Charlie’s life and to pay back this amazing community of La Crosse for how they supported us during this tender time of our lives. That’s what keeps us moving forward. That’s the spirit of Bubba’s Fund.” 

Tallitha Reese

Tallitha Reese is a freelance writer and content manager based in Cashton, WI. She owns Words By Reese and you can find out more about her and her work at www.wordsbyreese.com.

Learn more about Bubba’s Fund, get involved, or donate at www.bubbasfund.org.

Winter transforms our homes into a cocoon of warmth and rest. We seek comfort in close quarters, drawn by the allure of a crackling fire, nourishing meal, or steaming drink. 

We also tend to gather with those who offer easy, conflict-free connection. As a result, our social circles shrink, and we often end up surrounded by people who think, behave, and look a whole lot like us.

The problem with this is that comfort rarely leads to meaningful change. On the flip side, people who challenge our perspectives offer opportunities for personal and relational growth.

This season, as we gather at tables for holidays or interact with others in our day-to-day activities, consider what we have in common, and how we can engage across our differences. 

We All Belong Together 

We are most attracted to people who share our beliefs, values, hobbies, and even physical traits. That is partly because our early ancestors relied on the protection of groups for their survival. Greater similarities meant greater cohesion – and lower chances of being cast out of the group.

Belonging still enhances our sense of safety, even though it’s no longer necessary for our survival. It allows us to retreat from the larger world and let our guards down. Belonging can come to us in the form of friendships, romantic love, family, colleagues, and social groups. We may also find belonging in our homes, churches, and even with pets. 

But sometimes we falsely believe that in order to belong, we must adjust the way we act or think. This belief can lead to people-pleasing, poor boundaries, or abandoning our sense of self to fit in. It can also lead to a distrust or hatred of “outsiders.” Bullying, hate crimes, racism, and homophobia are all rooted in a need to extinguish differences. 

Attempting to drive out differences also stops us from finding an even deeper sense of belonging for ourselves. Because as long as we are fearful of differences, we will remain closed off to what makes us unique in this world.  

Now, perhaps more than ever, we must come to understand, accept, and even cherish each other’s differences. This can bring a greater sense of empathy, warmth, and connection with others. When we step outside of our social circles with compassion, we can remember that we all belong to each other and this planet in our shared humanity. 

How to Change Your Mind

If you realize your way of thinking has stopped you from connecting with others, it might be time for a mindset shift. In fact, many therapists operate under the assumption that change must first take place in the mind in order for it to truly take hold.  

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT), is a form of therapy developed by American psychiatrist Aaron Beck. In CBT, therapists help clients analyze, interrupt, and eventually change thought distortions, which are patterns of thinking that are inaccurate or irrational. 

One common thought distortion is all-or-nothing thinking. For example, thinking that friends must agree on everything, or that people who don’t act like you can’t be trusted, or that if you don’t succeed at first, you never will.

To spot this type of thinking, look for words like, “always” or “never.” For example, “Liberals and conservatives will never see eye-to-eye” or “I will always agree with people who share my religious beliefs.” 

We can start accepting differences by challenging thoughts that tell us a person’s background, political stance, or religious beliefs define who they are as a human. We can use our common humanity as a touchstone to remind us that despite our differences, we also have similarities. 

Strengthen Your Sense of Self 

There are three skills that can greatly enhance our ability to accept – or at least tolerate –differences in others: differentiation, self-regulation, and boundaries. 

– Differentiation

Differentiation, a concept developed by American psychiatrist Murray Bowen, is the ability to connect and interact with others while staying rooted in your sense of self. The stronger your sense of differentiation, the more you will be able to tolerate perspectives that do not align with our own.

We are most threatened by differences when our sense of self is weak, or our beliefs are fragile or unexamined. If you find yourself resistant to new ideas, it might be a sign that your own ideas need examining. Differentiation can help you to open up your mind to hearing new perspectives – without feeling like your sense of self is being compromised.  

– Self-Regulation

When we’re confronted with beliefs and perspectives that challenge our own, self-regulation is often required. Self-regulation is the ability to manage your own emotions while working through emotionally charged conversations and conflicts. Without it, we’re prone to fits of rage or shutting down at the first sign of conflict. 

The ability to self-regulate when someone does not agree with you is a form of maturity and self-control. It is a skill that takes time to learn. If you struggle with self-regulation, a therapist can help you to develop coping strategies. 

– Boundaries

Losing emotional control can also signal a need to set boundaries before things escalate. 

Healthy boundaries are firm yet flexible, communicating what we need and expect. When our boundaries are respected, it builds trust. 

Boundaries allow us to listen to the opinions and feelings of others without taking them personally, understanding that differences are not meant to threaten our sense of self.

We will find greater peace in our communications when we accept that we cannot control or change another person by force, just as we hold the personal boundary that we will not tolerate other’s attempting to force us into change.

Improve Your Communication Skills 

Once we have the internal resources necessary to connect with others despite differences, we can work on strengthening our communication skills. 

– Empathy

When we approach others with curiosity, rather than an agenda, we strengthen our ability to learn. You’ll often find it’s easy to respect someone’s differences when you use empathy to understand the life experiences that shaped them. 

– Active Listening

Active listening requires that we are present as much as possible, setting aside our own thoughts and feelings while listening to the thoughts and feelings of others. 

This means we listen to understand instead of listening to change minds. On the flip side, we speak to feel heard instead of attempting to influence or control. The end goal is mutual understanding. 

– Reflective Listening

Practice reflective listening by reflecting back the feelings and thoughts of others. Don’t repeat what they say word-for-word. Instead, reflect back the feelings you hear them expressing. You don’t have to agree with their perspective in order to understand where they’re coming from. Feelings are something we all have in common. 

– Perspective Taking

Whenever you speak to someone, and especially someone you disagree with, seek to understand their point of view by asking questions about what shaped their beliefs and ideals. 

See the following worksheet for conversation starters and open-ended questions.

Put it all Together for Healthy Conflict Resolution Skills 

Conflict is a normal and healthy part of relationships – and can be a major source of personal and relational growth – but how you navigate it matters. 

When you’re looking to resolve a conflict, both parties need to be willing to communicate, and both need the space to express feelings of hurt or remorse. Empathy, perspective-taking, and active listening are key. It’s crucial that we set our own feelings aside while we listen. We must seek to understand rather than to control the situation. 

Use self-regulation in order to approach communication respectfully and set boundaries so you are able step away from the conflict if self-regulation is needed.

Once both parties feel heard and understood, the next step is to take accountability by acknowledging wrongdoing. We grow when we express what we learned through conflict. We build trust by sharing what we’ll do differently next time (and actually doing it). 

What Do We Have in Common? 

“What do we have in common?” is an essential question that can open doorways to deep connectedness.

We are driven to seek out others who are most similar to us, but those similarities are often only surface level. We may find a more meaningful sense of belonging by working harder to find deeper commonalities. 

When words will not suffice, we can connect through shared experiences. One way to bond is through moving our bodies together. Seek out group experiences – like running, dancing, walking, or practicing yoga – that will expose you to many different people. Notice how connection deepens through this synchronicity. 

We can also bond through something called positivity resonance, a moment of shared positive emotion that strengthens connection. Seek out moments of laughter, fun, or joy in the presence of others. These universal emotions transcend language, culture, political, and religious beliefs. 

Grow Through Differences

Working through differences can strengthen our connection to self and others. New perspectives offer us the opportunity to examine our own values, beliefs, and lifestyle. Change is not required, but we may find it warranted. Encountering differences may fundamentally change how we view ourselves and the world. That can feel scary at first. If it feels too difficult, a mental health professional can help. 

Once we work through our aversion to differences, growth is waiting on the other side. We can emerge with a stronger sense of self, a deeper connection to our values, and a more balanced understanding of our world as a whole.  

Olivia Lynn Schnur

Olivia Lynn Schnur holds a Master of Arts degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. She is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Licensed Professional Counselor, EMDRIA Certified EMDR Therapist, and 200-Hour Certified Yoga Teacher. To learn more, or to book a yoga session, visit oliviaschnur.com.