Fall invites us to slow down and witness the beauty of letting go. The perennial wildflowers droop their heads in slumber for the season. The prairies transform from fertile shocks of green to drying shades of brown. The leaves of deciduous trees go out in a cascade of yellow, orange, and red.
The autumnal equinox is a rare moment of balance that only happens twice per year – a day of equal light and dark. This can mark a time for us to rebalance our own lives as well. Earlier in the year, the spring equinox signaled brighter and warmer days, when our energy and commitments ramped up. Spring and summer encouraged us to plant and nourish seeds.
Now, as the days grow colder and darker, our energy begins to downshift. This offers an opportunity to take stock of everything we’ve grown and nurtured during the year, conserving what we wish to keep and letting go of the rest. Because, while at the end of autumn the world may look dead and dark, we know that nature is cyclical. Life and light will always return.
Letting go is an act of trust that we embrace every time nature goes dark or dormant. We trust that the sun will rise again, the moon will become illuminated once more, and fall will give way to winter, spring, and summer, over and over again.
Why then, do we struggle so immensely to let go of other things in life? Many of us hold onto belongings, jobs, relationships, expectations, dreams, and goals long past their expiration date.
Often, this is because we fear uncertainty. We worry nothing will replace the thing we’ve released; but generally, the opposite is true. Letting go of what is no longer serving us creates space for what we want more of in the future.
Set Priorities & Reclaim Energy
We only have a limited amount of time and energy in life, so setting clear priorities is important. If we don’t, the world will do it for us, often leading to feelings of anger and resentment. Consciously choosing what matters most helps build a meaningful and fulfilling life.
To do this, it can be helpful to take stock of all the sources that require energy in our lives. We can also consider what we receive in exchange for our energy output, like a paycheck from work, a healthier body after exercise, or warmth, love, and compassion following time spent with loved ones or helping in a community.
Once we’ve set our top priorities, we must start saying no to anything that does not align. This is not a selfish act. It is a radical commitment to the roles, responsibilities, and people we value most.
Our energy is our lifeforce. Ideally, we want to give our lifeforce to people and causes that feel meaningful to us. This allows for an equal exchange of energy that leaves us feeling balanced and fulfilled. Conversely, energy leaks can happen when we give much more than we get. We can identify energy leaks by noting anything or anyone who leave us feeling consistently used, drained, unappreciated, or resentful.
Sometimes, letting go can feel especially difficult if we’ve committed a lot of energy already. We get stuck pursuing a dead-end goal because of what psychologists and economists call the “sunk cost fallacy.” This is the tendency to stay in a circumstance that continues to drain or hurt us because we have invested (or lost) too much. The sunk cost fallacy can apply to relational, financial, career, and personal goals.
But remember: No matter how much time or energy we have already invested, staying in a situation that makes us miserable rarely produces positive results. In this situation, bravery is required to face the facts. We may need to accept our losses; however great they may be. We need to know when it is time to let go.
Release Old Emotions
Before we can let go, we must sit with what is not working. Many emotions do not fade with time, and when we pause to reflect, in a space free from input and distractions, unprocessed emotions can rise to the surface. The more we try to avoid these emotions, the louder they become. Ignore them long enough and they can manifest in the form of anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions. This is why we need to give our emotions the time and attention they deserve, but it can be deeply uncomfortable at first. We might even feel like we cannot survive the onslaught of our feelings. In that case, it is best to work with a professional therapist who is trained to help unpack layers of unprocessed feelings.
Over time, sitting with our own thoughts and emotions can become a gift. This is how we learn to trust our emotions as sources of information. We discover more about who we are, what we desire, and what we need to release. While our emotions are not always based in fact, we can think of them as guides, letting us know where we need to place our attention.
Once we’ve considered whether our circumstances can be mended or rearranged to fit our ever-changing lives, we can carefully take steps toward a necessary change. If it’s time to let something go, it will feel much easier if we know we are making the right choice.
Practice Forgiveness
Forgiveness is one practice that can help us begin to let go of pent-up emotions like resentment, blame, anger, and pain.
Forgiveness does not mean we owe anything to anyone or that we need to accept someone back into our lives or absolve them of responsibility. Forgiveness simply means letting go of whatever keeps us chained to a moment in time. Ultimately, it is for our own benefit. It frees us to live in the present and chart out a different path for the future.
Self-forgiveness can also provide a path forward. It does not mean we wish to relive a moment or would make the same choices we did in the past. It only means that we choose to offer ourselves grace now.
We can practice self-forgiveness by infusing memories with compassion, understanding, and acceptance. Self-forgiveness can be a powerful process that frees us to see ourselves and a situation in a new, healing light.
Accept the Present
Mindfulness is the practice of accepting the present moment as it is, without judgement. As much as possible, we should aim to live in the present and accept it for what it is.
Developing a daily mindfulness practice can be of great benefit as we practice letting go. Observing our present circumstances can show us where our time and energy are going. Then, we can weigh that reality against our ideal priorities and goals.
Mindfulness also helps us recognize and name our emotions, without judgement. It creates the space necessary to digest and process our feelings.
When we mindfully accept the present moment, everything becomes clear. Each moment, we can practice letting go of emotions, thoughts, and behaviors that do not serve us. Over time, that practice will lead us toward a life that aligns with our values and priorities.
The worksheet following this article contains an exercise to help you mindfully sit with and start to release pent-up emotions.
Let Go and Live
We all deserve a life of our own choosing. If that feels completely out of reach, a mental health professional can help you get clear on what that looks like or what steps you need to take to get there.
Ultimately, letting go is not a practice of missing out. It is a practice of creating space for the life we desire. Letting go is an act of trust. We can accept the present moment as it is, while believing in our own potential. We can learn to let go of what no longer serves us, because we have faith that greater things are around the corner.
Olivia Lynn Schnur
Olivia Lynn Schnur is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, EMDR Certified Therapist, Reiki Master, and Certified Yoga Teacher. Olivia writes with the intention of educating, inspiring, and uplifting others to take charge of their own mental health. To learn more, or to book a yoga session, visit oliviaschnur.com.
