Kindness is free! Share it with others this summer.
Make your vacations a whole lot more enjoyable by tapping into your compassion as you interact with folks in the service industry this summer. Treat going out or traveling like you’re going over to a friend’s house. You would likely express gratitude, and not overreact to a minor inconvenience, or complain loudly if something wasn’t to your liking. These places are communities – not just experiences – and we’re all just out here, seeking happiness. Your kindness and compassion can change the direction of someone’s day, and, in turn, change yours too.
The following graphic shares some tips and reminders about interacting with others as you head out on your summer adventures. Remember: Being a kind human doesn’t cost a thing!
Remember Your Manners
Be polite in your communication, and offer courtesy and respect. Please and thank you go a long way, as well as smiles and eye contact. It costs $0 to be a kind human, but the compassion sent out into the world is priceless.
Kindness Meets Kindness
If you have a complaint, be kind and calm as you explain the problem. Don’t yell or make a scene as you work to find a solution. Extend a little compassion – you never know what others are going through. Courtesy works both ways. Treat others how you want to be treated.
Restaurant Respect
Be kind. Don’t take your frustrations out on staff and servers who have no control over menu items, what’s in stock, what’s sold out, etc. There are currently many supply issues and shortages, and costs have increased across the board.
In a hurry? Know what you want to order when you get to the front of the line. Ask for your check right away, and remember to tip. These moments of generosity go a long way for the people behind the bar, counter, or table.
Tipping To-Dos
• 15-25 percent of the bill is generally the norm (moving along the range depending on quality of service).
• Cash is king, but of course, a tip on a card is better than no tip!
• A round amount is always nice (vs a pile of change).
Practice Patience
Sometimes it’s busy. You’re on an adventure, so take the opportunity to slow down, enjoy your environment, and be patient (here are some patience tips!).
Be Good with Boundaries
These are real people with families and lives. Respect the boundaries they’ve set. With small staffs and small communities, hours can shift. Try not to complain about this. Plan ahead – check websites and social media for hours – maybe even call ahead to confirm, if it’s a long drive. Make reservations if needed. Try to avoid showing up five minutes before close. If you realize you’re cutting it close to closing time, ask if it’s ok if you still order/can still dine in.
Reviews
Leave 5-star reviews when you love a place, but take a pause before you leave a review when something goes wrong – try contacting management to resolve the issue first.
• Put your phone down while interacting with the people helping you
• Give compliments freely
• Be friendly; not lewd.
• Try not to make too many menu adjustments
• Clean up if your kids leave a huge mess
• Follow the pet policy – unless it’s a service animal, no pets means no pets
Allison Thomley
Designer Allison Thomley just finished her junior year at Luther College studying Visual Communications and Art. Originally from Madison, WI, she loves listening to music and playing Mario Kart in her free time. See more of her work at allithomley.myportfolio.com/work
Summer beckons us to emerge from our homes and immerse ourselves in community. The season swells with opportunities for connection as people gather at festivals, sporting events, farmers markets, and more. Parks and trails become busy destinations, and families and friends head out for long-awaited summer vacations.
As we prepare to engage in this social season, there is one emotion that can increase our capacity for connection: compassion.
Compassion is the driving force that turns a crowd into a community. It is an inherently social emotion that allows us to see the suffering of another – and drives us to help. It can also be turned inward, helping us connect to our own humanity through self-compassion.
The Benefits of Compassion
Compassion is an emotion we are all primed to experience, and it starts with empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand another person’s emotions as if they were our own. It allows us to imagine life from another perspective. Compassion takes empathy a step further and propels us to act in a way that helps to alleviate another person’s pain or suffering.
If we lean into the drive to help others, we can experience a cascade of benefits. When we act compassionately, our brain rewards us by releasing oxytocin and dopamine. Volunteering, for example, increases a sense of purpose and feelings of connection, which in turn, can help to ward off feelings of isolation or loneliness.
The reward system in our brain motivates us to repeat behavior. The release of feel-good hormones has a purpose: to let us know that compassion is good – not just for others, but for ourselves as well.
So why isn’t everyone practicing compassion?
The Block of Negative Self-Talk
When we struggle with compassion for ourselves, it can be difficult to extend it outward. Our own fear of judgment or the shame we feel surrounding our mistakes can lead us to judge or shame others. Feelings of inadequacy can spur our desire to point out weaknesses in friends, family, and acquaintances. And in turn, it can leave us susceptible to depression, anxiety, and burnout.
What happens in your head when you make a mistake? If you punish yourself or ruminate on what you did wrong, it could be a sign you lack compassion in your self-talk. Self-talk is the voice inside our head that sets the tone for how we feel about ourselves. It can be positive or negative and contribute to or diminish our self-esteem and self-worth. People with negative self-talk often have a harsh inner critic. The inner critic can be judgmental, cruel, and unforgiving. It fixates on failures and flaws. It sees the worst in everyone and everything.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Everyone has some version of an inner critic, but the trick is to not let that voice overpower self-compassion. The next time you make a mistake, offer yourself compassion. Practice talking to yourself like you might talk to a friend or a child. You did not make the mistake on purpose. You either miscalculated or needed more information. Positive self-talk can subdue your inner critic.
Developing a Compassionate Mind
To develop a more compassionate mind we need to make sure we’re fostering a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset.
People with a fixed mindset believe “this is just the ways things are.” These individuals view their failures as a reflection of themselves. They might carry the belief that their emotions and thoughts are not under their control, and therefore unchangeable. None of this is true.
People with a growth mindset perceive mistakes as opportunities for growth. They know that change is possible and desirable.
There are some things, however, that are out of our control, and that’s where mindful compassion is helpful. Mindfulness is a practice of acknowledging what is. It requires non-judgmental acceptance of the present moment. When we add a layer of compassion to this practice, we offer the moment grace, sending love to those less-than-perfect areas of life.
Everyone has flaws or weaknesses. When we accept our own, we create an environment where others feel safe to accept theirs as well. This helps us forge more connected and meaningful relationships in our lives.
Take a mindful moment to acknowledge all the growth and resilience that led you to this moment. Consider all the uncontrollable moments and celebrate what you’ve overcome. Look at your life with compassion. Notice how beautiful it really is; just as it is.
Metta Meditation
Metta meditation is a traditional Buddhist practice of loving-kindness. We start by sending loving-kindness to ourselves. Then, to those we know and love. We extend that outward to our community. From there, the world. The most advanced form of the practice is sending loving-kindness to those whom we dislike or who have wronged us.
We can modify this practice to also assist with tapping into our compassion – both for ourselves and others. Start by offering compassion to yourself. Remember – compassion for others starts from within. Then, send that compassion to those you love. From there, extend it outward, offering compassion to people you interact with daily: coworkers, cashiers, servers, and even people you pass on the street or your commute.
With regular practice, you will gain the ability to offer compassion in the most difficult situations: when you are inconvenienced, wronged, dismissed, or hurt.
Letting Go of Projection
You know the phrase: hurt people hurt people. It’s simple, but there is a layer of truth to it. It comes down to projection.
When we carry unconscious pain and trauma, we often project it. Projection occurs when we transmit beliefs or feelings onto others because they are too painful to acknowledge within ourselves. It is an attempt to rid ourselves of what we cannot tolerate.
Projection is an unhealthy coping skill. It distorts our view of others and damages our relationships. It gets in the way of genuine connection and creates a heavy burden on our loved ones.
Instead of rejecting and projecting our feelings and beliefs onto others, we can practice self-compassion. Developing self-compassion frees us to face our wounds. Furthermore, it allows us to recognize when others carry similar wounds.
When we accept ourselves and our feelings, we create space for vulnerability. We stop projecting our judgments and fears. This creates safety and ease in our relationships.
Compassionate Connection
Compassion naturally impacts the way we connect with people daily. By adjusting our perspectives through compassionate empathy, we give others the benefit of the doubt. Everyone is going through something that we know nothing about. Most people do not intentionally cause harm.
To practice compassionate empathy, pause when someone makes a mistake. Suspend your reaction and consider whether it was their intention to hurt you. Is it possible that there is something else going on? Consider how compassion might allow you to respond in a more meaningful way. Try reacting with patience, acceptance, and generosity.
Our first reaction is usually not our best reaction. Practice pausing and assessing with compassion. Every time you do, you will be rewarded. Not only by offering compassion to another, but by extending those benefits to yourself. And every time, you do your part in creating a more compassionate world.
Olivia Lynn Schnur
Olivia Lynn Schnur holds a Master of Arts degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. She is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, EMDRIA Certified EMDR Therapist, Certified Yoga Teacher, and Reiki Master. She integrates her mental health, yoga, and writing passions to educate, uplift, and inform readers. To learn more about Olivia, or to book a yoga session, visit oliviaschnur.com.
One act of compassion has the ability to shift your entire day. Maybe even week. Month. Year. Hey, I know it sounds ridiculous, but maybe that one act of compassion will shift your entire life. Making an effort to be kinder than you need to be, to open the door for a stranger or smile at a passing walker, or to be extra generous as you travel through life has the potential to ripple good vibes across the universe.
Compassion is defined as recognizing the suffering of others and then being inspired to help. It’s an emotion related to empathy – the ability to place yourself in other people’s shoes and really understand where they’re coming from with their thoughts, feelings, and actions. The leading theme in the Summer 2024 issue of Inspire(d) is compassion because I believe it’s what we need to reconnect in humanity. Shifting our perspectives, allowing ourselves to see things from different points of view, is vital to creating a worthwhile future for the next generation.
But don’t mistake these efforts as a way of sugar coating the state of the world, or a move toward complacence. It’s quite the opposite. This is a mountain we’re climbing here. There is so much division right now, and there’s a lot of language out there pushing us to believe that “people are horrible.” Sure, *some people are horrible. But *way more people are good. We have to remember that. And then open ourselves up to acting as though we believe it. That first step is a leap. Especially if we’re the first one to do so. An act of compassion is a vulnerability. But it’s one I heartily implore you to find the courage to take. We need you in this climb.
Believe in the good in people. Assume positive intent. Granted, it won’t change the reality of the situation either way. But whether your thoughts are true or false, believing in the good in the world will change you. Your compassion, by its very existence, makes the world a better place. And that’s worth it every time.
Always looking forward (with as much compassion as I can muster),
– Aryn
Compassion: We are all seeking happiness
Compassion is recognizing the suffering of others and then being inspired to help. Here are 13 ideas for tapping into your compassion.
1. Practice Empathy. Imagine yourself in another person’s shoes. Everybody is going through something. Cut people some slack.
2. Jilt the Jadedness. Being jaded just messes up your own life anyway…try giving compassion a chance.
3. Believe in the good in people.
4. Make caring cool.
5. Nobody is Perfect. Mistakes = Lessons
6. Listen. We all want to be heard in this noisy world. Be open to other perspectives, even if you don’t agree.
7. Be kinder than you need to be
8. Open the door for a stranger
9. Smile at a neighbor
10. Be extra generous
11. Assume positive intent.
12. Treat yourself – and others – as you would treat a friend.
13. Remember self-compassion. You deserve all of these things as well. Go easy on yourself. Don’t be your harshest critic. Be your biggest cheerleader. (Check out our DIY affirmation cards for positive message ideas!)
